Breaking the Brocode at the Urinal: A Maverick’s Perspective

By Larry Billinger

Maybe it was because I was gone in China for six years or maybe it’s because I have become acquainted with a new generation of younger co-workers who have introduced me to “Brocode.” I’m specifically speaking of one brocode in particular. Urinal etiquette. A matter that seems to be taken almost as seriously as global diplomacy. I’m here to share my dive into these mysterious waters of “Brocode,” and I have no intentions of treading lightly.

The Brocode Chronicles

To understand the intricacies of the “Brocode,” we must delve into its mysterious origins. Contrary to popular belief, the “Brocode” wasn’t discovered on a hidden scroll in an ancient monastery, nor was it handed down by a wise sage. No, it was invented and popularized by none other than Barney Stinson, a character from the TV show How I Met Your Mother, a show in which I failed to see a single episode. Yes, a fictional character is the mastermind behind these unwritten laws that govern modern bro relationships.

The Great Urinal Debate

In one corner, we have the enthusiastic proponents of urinal etiquette, passionately defending the sacred “urinal gap” rule. According to this rule, if there are three urinals in a restroom and one is in use, you must leave an empty urinal between you and the occupied one. It’s like a game of chess but with bladder urgency.

On the opposing side, you’ll find the rebels, like myself, who just can’t be bothered with these unwritten rules. Whether it’s a lack of bro programming or an innate defiance, I choose to stand tall (literally) in the face of urinal etiquette. In my world, when nature calls, I answer without hesitation. It’s the urinal equivalent of a free spirit galloping through a field of conformity.

Pro’s and Con’s of Urinal Etiquette

Pros of Following Urinal Etiquette:

1. Personal Space: Adhering to urinal etiquette ensures you have your personal space, preventing uncomfortable closeness with strangers.
2. Avoids Awkward Conversations: It helps you avoid unwanted conversations with fellow bathroom-goers, allowing for a peaceful restroom experience. (Awkward conversations are created by subject matter, not by proximity or location)
3. Minimizes Splashback: Following the rules can minimize the risk of splashback, keeping your pants and shoes clean and dry. (although this rule should be followed regardless of divider/no-divider which would stop splashback, I have never been splashed on in my 40+ years of life.

Cons of Following Urinal Etiquette:

1. Overthinking It: Some argue that focusing too much on urinal etiquette can make a simple trip to the restroom feel like a complex puzzle.
2. Missed Opportunities for Small Talk: For those who enjoy striking up conversations with strangers, adhering to urinal etiquette may mean missing out on potential friendly chats.
3. Fear of Judgment: There’s a fear that not following urinal etiquette might lead to judgment from others in the restroom, making you feel like you’ve committed a grave social offense.

The Verdict: To Bro or Not to Bro?

I leave you with a question: Is urinal etiquette and the broader “Brocode” something to be embraced or questioned? Are we to be slaves to a set of unwritten rules invented by a fictional character, or do we dare to be the masters of our own bathroom destiny?

As for me, I’ll continue to march to the beat of my own bladder. If that means breaking a few “Brocode” rules along the way, so be it. After all, life is too short to fret over the finer points of urinal proximity. But what about you? Are you a staunch adherent to the “Brocode,” or do you prefer to carve your own path to restroom liberation? Leave your thoughts in the comments.